Mid-week muddle

  • And this news just in — dangerous driving linked to high number of traffic accidents in Vietnam. Yes, hallelujah, finally the transport experts, idling intellectuals, philosophers, philanthropists and physicists and chaos theorists have all gathered together to nut this one out — “Come on Boffins! Let’s get to the bottom of this! Why are there so many accidents around here anyhoo?” Is it the air we’re all breathing? Is it the shoddy engineering of made-in-China scooters? The prevailing westerly winds — that dratted subtropical brat! — or the fact that people have a natural tendency to drive Devil-may-care on a sultry summer’s night? Heavens no! “It’s certainly not my fault,” said Nguyen Chi-Ty Chi-Ty Bang-Bang, a 28-year old truck driver after crashing into the side of a house. “It’s the change in the weather.” Ah yes, the weather, oh ye fickle mistress, you’ll be the death of me and my motley ilk!
  • A new underpass in Hanoi certainly made a splash — boom, boom – on its debut last Monday.  Somebody forgot to turn on the pump — or install it — and then it rained, and then it poured, and then it filled up with a lot of water and had to be closed. Doh! A big, big, big embarrassment for all involved? Certainly not, and we’re not blaming anybody, for it was most assuredly the fault of the change in the weather, you mercurial old maggot you…
  • When they say “fever reducer” do they mean a couple of aspirin and a soothing Lemsip? Or do they mean, “Oops, we’re sorry we didn’t spot these people with Swine flu coming through, but it’s certainly not our fault, it must have been the…”

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